CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
