Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
