Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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