Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
