i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
