Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
a search helicopter?!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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