I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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