A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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