why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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