Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.