They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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