So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.