Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
