Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie