Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...