about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today