...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
