We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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