I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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