covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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