I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
