honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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