I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
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How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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