I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The Olympian is in my bed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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