Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
