I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
