My friends, they love my intelligence
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
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I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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