her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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