I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
