Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
