My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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