wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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