Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
