You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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