You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
