you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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