I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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