i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
