She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
