help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
