last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize