I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
