i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
