Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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