Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
