She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
