Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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