...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
