So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
