I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
