he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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