I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
