I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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