Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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