community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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