Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
