party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i will never coherently bang her
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
