I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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