I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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