Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
