well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
