i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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