So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish i was in the wii world.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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