Already got asked if we're dating
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
