I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
