I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
