How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
