I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
