He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
