don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
