My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
