So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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