i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
