she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
