My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Randomize
