Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sorry about my life...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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