3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
