So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
