so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
