i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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