I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
