I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
