Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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