So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
