If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
