I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.