Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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