The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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