Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
