I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
