The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
we should paint friendship bongs
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